>The Sovereignty of God in Our Marriages -and my sin-

>I enjoy the long conversations my sister and I have on Skype. She is a godly woman and  a great teacher to me. I am so grateful for her life.

I want to invite you to be part of a recent conversation we had about God’s Sovereignty in our marriages and our sin. Yes, it is Friday, so get a cup of coffee and join us.

We know God is Sovereign, if we don’t believe that, then we are in big trouble; because the True God is Sovereign indeed!

Now, why is it so hard at times to live our lives under the sun trusting that HE IS INDEED SOVEREIGN? If we believe that God is sovereign (and He is indeed) then He is sovereign over our marriage life too.

What does this mean? It means, dear sister, that all the struggles you and I have to face in our marriages are allowed by God. He is the one who is permitting them to happen.  I am blessed to have a godly husband, but that doesn’t mean that we never have struggles. We (my sister and I) have talked lately on how we often miss the mark when struggles and differences in our marriage come to our lives. Instead of seeing them as instruments of God to sanctify us, we stop seeing Him all Sovereign and start to fight on our own flesh. At this point we are already sinning.

If we are mature Christians we should start dealing with the difficulties in our marriages from a different perspective.

First, let us recognize that God is Sovereign and that all these struggles are allowed by God only to deal with us, to sanctify us, and that at the end they will be good for us. Isn’t He, our Heavenly Father, the one who knows what’s best  for His children?

Secondly, just think how different things would be if in the very moment a struggle arises, we would take a second  before we say any word to see God’s hand allowing it.  What if we would recognize that this struggle is just another opportunity God is giving US to deal with a sin in our own heart?  What if we would stop seeing our husband’s sin and start seeing our own sin in the middle of the struggle?  I am sure we’ll start growing more in His grace.

Any thoughts of yours?

12 thoughts on “>The Sovereignty of God in Our Marriages -and my sin-

  1. >Wow. So much wisdom in your article, Becky, and in all the comments that have followed. As for me, it is certainly a lot easier to see with hindsight God's Sovereignty at work, rather than in the midst of the situation itself! I am thankful for the times we've struggled in our marriage now, for I can see how God used those struggles to shape us better for His purposes. And the greatest truth I have come to appreciate in our marriage is that I have done nothing to deserve a husband as loving as I have, he is a gift of grace, and another example of God bestowing good gifts on his children, for which I will be forever thankful 🙂


  2. >Jackie, Oh how we need to grow in grace! And if we call ourselves Christian women, we really need to start TODAY changing in those areas that we know we need to change, instead of waiting for our husband to change. Sis, Thank you for teaching me with your example. Love you too.


  3. >How blessed we are, who are married, to live every day facing the reality to reflect every day Christ in our homes, with our husbands and children that know us so well. That our best and our worst are not hidden. And to trust the Lord that He, who started the work in us, will fnish it until that day.. so until today… we just say thanks to the Lord and be a blessing to our husbands for every joy, trial, and difficulty, because He who loves us has set that before us. Thanks Sis for posting this. Love you!!


  4. >Becky,Love this post. I too have a godly husband, but we still have our differences in areas. I sometimes want him to see my way rather than just stepping back and asking the Lord to either change him or me. Great post and wonderful to remember. Yes, everything that happens does so through the lense of a Sovereign Creator. He is the One who does all things for our good and He promises to complete the good work He has started in us. Blessings to you, Jackie


  5. >I've been meditating on James 1:2-3 today: Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.The author of the study guide I'm using says that the word "trials" refers to both outward afflictions (things that happen to us) AND to inward temptations. This would certainly include marriage — the hurts and sufferings that come from another and my heart's temptation to pride and selfishness.James says that these trials work for our good. Glory be to God! How hopeless we would be in this fallen world if we didn't know that God redeems our trials, and that includes those in our marriages.May we count it all joy! (I'm preaching to myself here!)


  6. >Michelle, how important to remember that even though we go through hormonal changes, God doesn't change. What he asks from us doesn't change just because we are pregnant, or going through a hormonal change. I agree with you we need to constantly remind ourselves of our condition.Christina, yes, yes, yes! How far we are from loving our husband unconditionally. It is so easy to ask them to love us in a certain way. We are so selfish and ask for more live, more attention, more than we are willing to give at times.Persis, I so appreciate what you shared here. I just can't but bow my head and say thank you fo teaching us to trust God's goodness and Sovereignty no matter where his hand leads us.Diane, you are right. I have also thought about this and how this principle applies not only to our marriage but to all the relationships we have. If God puts a person close to us who is like iron sharpening us, we must stop fighting and getting resented, but see instead a God given opportunity to grow in grace, to mortify the sin in us.Elizabeth, you are right, we must also remind ourselves that marriage is God's glorious idea; may God help us not to build on sand and not to live destroying his significance by our sinful and selfish attitudes.


  7. >Yes, Becky, once we agree that marriage is God's idea and not simply an earthly relationship meant to soothe and meet all our needs, we can get on with the business of allowing God to mold us and shape us, conforming us to His image–through the hardships, differences, and circumstances we will inevitably go through as a couple:) It can only work through submission, as you say. Otherwise, it ends up being built on the sand of each man (and woman) for himself, doing what is right in their own eyes. And that is not a marriage–it is even less than a business agreement, it destroys the meaning of marriage completely. His intention was for marriage to something much greater, much deeper, much sweeter, and far more glorious (Ephesians 5).Love,-E


  8. >This is a good conversation Becky. Robert and I had a similar discussion today about believers who are under the authority of others, whether it be in the church, the home, work, etc. We talked about those times when we don't agree with those over us and how rather than fighting, it provides an opportunity to excercise submission as unto the Lord. When you think about it, everyone must learn how to submit to others we are at odds with at some level, but the submission is ultimately to God. I Peter 2:20 – regarding slaves and masters reminds us that there's no reward for only being obedient to those who are easy. Maybe that's a bit off the track with your conversation – just thinkin' Love you!


  9. >God's sovereignty is the foundation that keeps me from doubting His love in my own situation. Around the same time my marriage was on the rocks, I knew of 2 other couples with their own set of struggles. God has mercifully restored 1 marriage. The other is struggling still, but they have maintained their covenant. In my own case, it ended in divorce. As to why mine and not the others, I have to fall on His sovereignty. He chooses to glorify Himself in different ways, but ultimately His way is the best way.


  10. >I love your post dear friend. Today I was reflecting on marriage and all of its blessings and challenges. I thought of Romans 5:8. "but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."The love of God for us is unconditional. We did not do anything special to earn this love and we can neither do anything to keep it. As 1 John 4:10 says, "We love, because he first loved us." In all our challenges and changing circumstances God is committed to us. Wouldn't He have us love and be committed to our spouses in the same way? Of course, it is only God Himself who can give us, not only the desire, but the power to actually do this. May we seek His face continually to truly love our spouses unconditionally — just as God loves us!


  11. >Wow. I've specifically dealing with this lately. I'm 39 weeks and 3 days pregnant and it seems it SO much easier to see my husband's faults than his strengths. I'm constantly having to remind myself of my own sin and my own "issues" to keep myself from saying things…but also, keeping in perspective this IS God's sovereign will…His plan. Thank you for the encouraging words.


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