Category Archives: Marriage

>Marriage: A Legacy of Faithfulness by Trisha Poff

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>February is too short, it has only 28 days! That’s why our Celebration of Marriage will go on, possible for one more week. There is just too much to share, and I am sure you are enjoying these posts.


Today, I am very grateful to my friend Trisha who blogs at A Multitude of Mercies for her willingness to share in this place about marriage.  May you enjoy her company very much as you read her words.

 

I waited for the laugh. When I told our oldest son that my friend Becky had asked me to write a guest post about marriage, I just knew that would be his reaction.

Instead, he offered the very thing that has preserved my marriage for so many years…the grace of God.

I’m not writing here because I have the perfect marriage.  I can’t offer you ten tips for the best relationship ever or clever tricks for getting your man to do things your way. Those self-centered goals increase discontent and keep you in bondage to a fairy tale notion of marriage.

Instead, I offer you lessons learned from a married life that has known conflict and pain and joy and celebration and love and, most of all, God’s grace.

Joni Eareckson Tada aptly observed that marriage is not about success but about faithfulness.  How true this is.  Marriage is about faithfulness in the big things and the little things.  So, how do we as wives demonstrate this faithfulness when it’s hard?    And how do we encourage our children towards godly marriages when we fall so far from what we want to model?  I encourage you to make your own list, but here are a few ideas to get you started…

1.  Remember the endless volumes of God’s grace.  Daily remind yourself of the volumes of grace God has poured out on you.  We know the supply is inexhaustible, and yet, all too quickly we treat our husbands as though all grace is gone.  We get annoyed with their habits and discouraged with their sins.  We must remember how kindly Christ has dealt with us and extend most generously that grace to our husbands.
    

“He who grows in grace remembers that he is but dust, and he therefore does not expect his fellow Christians to be anything more.  He overlooks ten thousand of their faults, because he knows his God overlooks twenty thousand in his own case. He does not expect perfection in the creature, and therefore, he is not disappointed when he does not find it.” ~Charles Spurgeon

       
2. Embrace God’s sovereignty.  Cast off those foolish thoughts that you were meant to marry another or that your life would be easier if you had married someone else.  It is God’s will for you to honor your vows, your husband, and honor Him. Every trial, every difficulty, every hardship in your marriage has a purpose in making you more like Christ.  Truly, He is working it all for your good.  Do you believe Him? Are you living out that belief?
    
4. Be honest with your children when you sin.  If you’ve disrespected your husband or sinned against him in some other way, don’t call it something other than what it is.  No excuses, please. Identify it as SIN.  Humbly ask for forgiveness and ask them to pray for God’s grace upon you to be an excellent wife.
   
6. Pray diligently for your spouse and for yourself.   How different would your marriage be if for every second you’ve spent complaining about your husband, you instead prayed for him and prayed for yourself?  In the midst of conflict, don’t respond with anger.  Take a deep breath, give a kind word, and continue to pray.  Ask God to make that your first reaction.
       
7. Refuse to believe the lie that your sin disqualifies you from teaching your children the importance of a godly marriage.   Haven’t you heard this in some form before?  “Well, because I’ve struggled with sin in this area, I’m not qualified to teach my children otherwise.” I’m not speaking of a hypocrite here.  I’m speaking of those who sincerely know the battle between the flesh and the spirit, that never ending war within to mortify sin. Don’t waste those painful lessons learned from your sin by refusing to warn your children of the consequences.
    
For example, when I married my husband, he wasn’t a Christian.  It’s ridiculous to then say, “Well, I was unequally yoked.  Therefore, I can’t tell my children not to be.”  I emphasize to them the hardship and sin that comes when we don’t walk in God’s ways. I speak of the grace God has given in calling my husband to Himself and later saving him, not as license to sin but as a testimony of His kindness and mercy in spite of my disobedience.

8. Praise your husband loudly and constantly to your children. Make sure he hears, you, too!  Is this a struggle?  Ask for help!  The Holy Spirit will bring to mind those praiseworthy traits that too often get buried after years of marriage.
       
9. Remember that despite hardships and hard words and disappointments, there is a blessing unique to a lasting marriage. There is an intimacy, a “being known” that doesn’t come after just a couple years….it comes as a result of being faithful and diligent over lots of time and experiences together. As frustrating as my husband and I can still be to one another, we know each other like no one else knows us.  That is a gift from the LORD.  Be patient in your marriage for that kind of familiarity is priceless.
   
10. Soak up God’s Word daily.  You can’t get around this one, and you shouldn’t want to.   To respond faithfully in marriage especially when it’s hard requires being filled with His truths.  There are lots of voices coming your way each day, but few of them are speaking Truth.  You’ll hear how you shouldn’t put up with such and such, how you deserve the best, how it’s all about YOU.  What we need to hear is, “Die to self.  Put others first.  Don’t be easily provoked.  Love suffers long.  What God has joined together let no man put asunder,” etc.  What you fill your mind with is what will come to mind when the conflict starts.
     
11. Remember that faithfulness isn’t grounded in our feelings.  It’s great when we do FEEL like it, but when we’re experiencing trials in our marriage, the feelings are normally the first thing to go.  What a capricious wife I was in my first years of marriage because feelings were too often in the driving seat.  My poor husband didn’t know what to expect or what to think.  One day I’d be telling him how happy I was to be his bride, and the next I’d be calling the airlines threatening to leave him and fly home to my parents.  A mature and faithful love responds consistently in a God-honoring way, especially when it’s hard.
  
12. Be careful not to  play the martyr or the victim to your children.  We are to joyfully glorify God in all we do, so when we choose to be faithful in our marriages, especially when it’s just plain hard, we aren’t to do it with an eye to having our children feel sorry for us. “Yes, poor Mom or poor Dad suffered all those years.” Don’t be a glory-thief, trying to take away what should be God’s alone.  Get your children to fix their eyes on God and His faithfulness and mercy and grace to your family instead of any sacrifices you’ve made or hurts you’ve suffered.

In one of my favorite books, Marriage to a Difficult Man: The Uncommon Union of Jonathan and Sarah Edwards by Elisabeth D.Dodds, the author makes this observation about the beauty of mature love:

“Enough has not been said about the beauty of love in the middle years of life.  By such a time in a marriage, the trying habits of one’s partner have either been accepted or are no longer noticed, while the precious aspects of the other have become so much part of the consciousness that they are like leaf prints stamped in stone.  Memories, both of happy times and of sorrow endured together, are glued into the marriage.”

Let our marriages reflect such beauty. Let us be women who have a legacy of faithfulness.  Not resigned-to-a-hopeless-situation or woe-is-me women, but women who honor our marriage vows joyfully, knowing that we truly can be faithful because He is faithful.

May our children say of us, “Mom and Dad didn’t have the perfect marriage.  They battled their flesh daily and had to repent often. But they did model faithfulness and forgiveness.  They are a testimony to the goodness of God and what His grace can do when two sinners become one.”

~Trisha Poff

©Trisha Poff. Please, if you wish to distribute or use these words contact Trisha at her blog



>A Godly Marriage -Borrowed Words from Douglas Wilson-

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The Wilson’s books on the family are just a blessing to me. I appreciate the fact that they write not in a simplistic way, pointing you to methods; rather, they go beyond the methods to the core of our Christan living: Doctrine, that is our Theology. (and yes, we all have some sort of doctrine!)

What we believe, what is rooted in our hearts and minds is what will determine how we live under the sun every day: how we respond to various circumstances, how we parent our children, how we talk with our friends, how we relate with our brothers and sisters, with what attitude we walk to the kitchen and the laundry room and… how we love our spouse.

In Douglas Wilson’s book, For a Glory and a Covering. A Practical Theology of Marriage, he says,

“A Godly marriage occurs when a man and a woman both die to themselves, and are raised to the life that seeks the best interest of the other in all things. This is the only kind of godly marriage there is. And when we give all away in this manner, we discover that we receive all. We learn to give in order to receive, in order to be able to give some more. And we are  married to someone who is doing the same thing. 
Now, it is not possible to live this way without an applied incarnational knowledge of what the Holy Trinity is like. As we turn away from these sins, we must necessarily turn toward God Himself. And in turning to toward Him, we are learning to imitate Him, as dearly loved children (Eph.5:1).”

Now let’s read Wilson’s definition of marriage,

“So what then is marriage? Marriage is a form of death in separation and resurrection in union. When God created the world, He immediately set about fashioning the world by means of division. He separated man  into male and female and pronounced it all very good. But He divided for the sake of  richer union, and for the sake of division itself. What is the principle of this kind of union? The answer is covenant- specifically, covenantal partaking. The bond that ties division and union together is a covenant bond; marriage is based on covenant realities. “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God” (I Cor. 11:3).
…Covenant headship bridges the division and accomplishes union… Authority is the principle of union, not the principle of separation. Authority (biblically understood) is what brings them together… In other words marriage is defined by partaking.”

Some other quotes worth looking at are these:

“Being a married Christian is a function of simply being a Christian. In other words, we should not expect to find a set of marital “techniques” that are unrelated to the task of living as a Christian generally. For the unmarried, the best preparation for future duties is a pleasant embrace of current duties. For those who are married, there is no way to grow as a husband or wife in Christ apart from growing in Christ period.”

On words…

“Words are not abstract entities with an ethereal life of their own in Dictionary Heaven. Biblically considered, words are spoken in a particular place at a particular time, and full understanding is only possible for those who by grace understand the world in this same way. Words in this respect are like the Word. “And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us” (Jn. 1:14a). The glory of words is therefore revealed only when they are enfleshed and particularized. This means that the words were given to us in order to  be set in place like fine jewelry: “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver. As an earring of gold, and an ornament of fine gold, so is a wise reprover  upon an obedient ear” (Prov. 25:11-12)…
Since words only gain fill meaning when set in a specific context, husbands and wives must learn to speak to one another carefully – but there are two kinds of “carefully”. You should not have to be careful because you are handling a high explosive that might go off at any time. Rather, you should be careful because you are jeweler of words . you are setting fourteen-carat words in the appropriate place, and when you are done, it will be worth ten thousand dollars. This is the right kind of “carefully”.
… So we must be diligent students of words in our marriages, understanding all the nuances of our speech.”

Now, if you have a question you may want to ask Doug Wilson or his wife Nancy they encourage you to do so here.

Have a most blessed day!

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>Our Husband, Our Brother in Christ

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>Friday is a good day to visit friends or have friends over… today I am so happy to introduce you to a dear friend of mine who is visiting with us today, Anne. I still remember when I met her at a Veritas Press Teacher’s Training; since then I have admired her; she is a godly woman, who loves her family, Latin, reading books by the dozen and pencils. Anne has been a great encouragement to me this year as we are together in the Partnering to Remember Project memorizing Philippians.

Thank you, Anne…

By today’s standards, my husband and I married at a very young age. He was 22 and I was 21, and we’d finished college only the day before.We knew little about what was ahead, but we received solid, biblical counsel in those early days and ever since. We’ve now been married for 21 years, and I count it all grace from a merciful and good God.He has held our marriage together through many military deployments, and has allowed us to grow up together and raise two children. He has made sure we’ve had solid, biblical teaching and fellowship. I am only a recipient of His grace and certainly no expert.One thing I know for sure is that God put me and my husband together on a path toward heaven, and the way we live here matters for eternity.

As I consider the marriage relationship in light of what God’s Word tells us, I think there is a tendency to compartmentalize and forget that the marriage relationship isn’t the only relationship I have with my husband. Yes, Scripture is clear that when two believers marry each has certain responsibilities and roles:the husband is to love his wife like Christ loves the church (oh, how impossible this seems!), and the wife is to love and respect her husband and submit to him. Apart from the Lord, these are overwhelming and undoable tasks.

But as my husband and I have been recently memorizing Philippians together (memorizing Scripture together with my husband is something I really wish we’d started long ago!), I am reminded that all of the other exhortations in Scripture about relationships among believers apply to husbands and wives as well.Here are just a few of them from Philippians, as Paul wrote to the believers there who were partners with him:

“~Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ… that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel” (Philippians 1:27)

“~Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)

“~Let each of you look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4)

And a few from elsewhere in God’s Word:

“~ And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24)

“~I, therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:1-3)

“~Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him, who is the head, into Christ” (Ephesians 4:15)

“~Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

So, I am more than my husband’s wife, and he is more than my husband. We are fellow believers, brother and sister in Christ, partakers together of grace. We are being made ready for heaven as we live our lives together. We are to be partners in every way – physically, mentally, spiritually.We are to be “of the same mind”, “in full accord”, “striving together for the faith of the gospel.”We’re to speak the truth in love to each other, giving counsel and admonishing when necessary, strengthening each other’s weaknesses, and pointing each other to Christ. And we’re to remember that, as Paul Tripp has said,

“Christian marriage is one flawed person living with another flawed person in a fallen world with a faithful God.”

We wives tend to extremes.We nag our husbands when we want something to change or when we are offended, certainly speaking, but not in love. Or in silence we feed bitterness as we stew and brood over an offense whether that offense is real or only imagined.I think that if we more carefully considered our role as our husband’s partner, as a fellow believer and partaker of grace, we’d be more likely to avoid those extremes.Maybe that would help us to remember that our husbands are on the path to heaven, too.

Perhaps we wives would do well to take some time and consider our husbands as brothers in Christ.In light of this relationship, how can I encourage him in his walk? How can I strive together with him? What are some practical ways I can count him as more significant than myself? Am I lacking humility? How can I build him up, strengthening his weaknesses? How can I help make his job as my husband easier? How can I pray for him? In what ways can I show him grace? Is there an offense or sin that I can overlook? Or do I need to, as Paul says, speak the truth in love?

It’s a privilege to share my life with the man God gave me, and to grow old with him, holding his hand as we walk this life as partners in every way. God has truly been good to me. And it is at once both amazing and daunting to consider that our partnership has eternal implications. May we partner together for the faith of the gospel for His glory.

Anne

©Anne Malone; if you wish to use these lines contact Anne at  Europeanne

>The Christian Wife, by J.R. Miller

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>This month we have been talking about marriage; so I think it is important to consider what are some characteristics of the Christian wife that we should not forget; and because it is Thursday of Borrowed Words, we’ll read J.R. Miller’s words on this topic. (I know it’s long, but please, don’t skim read it; take the time to read and carefully consider these words.)

Ball Point Drawing by Andrea Joseph

“It is a high honor for a woman to be chosen from among all womankind, to be the wife of a godly and true man. She is lifted up to be a crowned queen. Her husband’s manly love laid at her feet, exalts her to the throne of his life. Great power is placed in her hands. Sacred destinies are reposed in her keeping. Will she wear her crown beneficently? Will she fill her realm with beauty and with blessing? Or will she fail in her holy trust? Only her married life can be the answer.”

“What is the true ideal of a godly wife? It is not something lifted above the common experiences of life, not an ethereal angel feeding on ambrosia and moving in the realms of imagination… The true wife needs to be no mere poet’s dream, no artist’s picture, no ethereal lady too fine for use—but a woman healthful, strong, practical, industrious, with a hand for life’s common duties, yet crowned with that beauty which a high and noble purpose gives to a soul.”

J.R. Miller goes on to list several characteristics of a godly wife:

1. Faithfulness.

“A true wife, by her character and by her conduct, proves herself worthy of her husband’s trust. He has confidence in her affection; he knows that her heart is unalterably true to him. He has confidence in her management; he confides to her the care of his household. He knows that she is true to all his interests, that she is prudent and wise, not wasteful nor extravagant… Every true wife makes her husband’s interests her own…When burdens press upon him—she tries to lighten them by sympathy, by cheer, by the inspiration of love. She enters with zest and enthusiasm into all his plans. She is never a weight to drag him down; she is strength in his heart to help him ever to do nobler and better things.”

2. Housekeeper.

“Love may build its palace of noble sentiments and tender affections and sweet romances—rising into the very clouds, and in this splendid home two souls may dwell in the enjoyment of the highest possibilities of wedded life; but this palace, too, must stand on the ground, with unpoetic and unsentimental stones for its foundation. That foundation is good housekeeping. In other words, good breakfasts, dinners and suppers, a well-kept house, order, system, promptness, punctuality, good cheer—far more than any young lovers dream—does happiness in married life depend upon such commonplace things as these!

Bad housekeeping will soon drive the last vestige of romance out of any home! The illusion which love weaves about an idolized bride, will soon vanish if she proves lazy or incompetent in her domestic management. The wife who will keep the charm of early love unbroken through the years, and in whose home the dreams of the wedding day will come true—must be a good housekeeper!”

Andrea Joseph’s Illustration with Coloured Pencils

3.Generous and Warm Hearted.

“{I}t is in the dark hours of a man’s life, when burdens press, when sorrows weigh like mountains upon his soul, when adversities have left him crushed and broken, or when he is in the midst of fierce struggles which try the strength of every fiber of his manhood—that all the radiance and glory of a true wife’s strengthful love shine out before his eyes! Only then does he recognize in her—God’s angel of mercy!

In sickness—how thoughtful, how skillful, how gentle a nurse is the true wife! In struggle with temptation or adversity or difficulty—what an inspirer she is! In misfortune or disaster—what lofty heroism does she exhibit and what courage does her bravery kindle in her husband’s heart! Instead of being crushed by the unexpected loss, she only then rises to her full grandeur of soul. Instead of weeping, repining and despairing, and thus adding tenfold to the burden of the misfortune—she cheerfully accepts the changed circumstances and becomes a minister of hope and strength. She turns away from luxury and ease—to the plainer home, the simpler life, the humbler surroundings, without a murmur!”

4. Prudent.

“Are there little frictions or grievances in the wedded life? Has her husband faults which annoy her or cause her pain? Does he fail in this duty or that? Do differences arise which threaten the peace of the home? I
n the feeling of disappointment and pain, smarting under a sense of injury—a wife may be strongly tempted to seek sympathy by telling her trials to some intimate friends. Nothing could be more fatal to her own truest interests, and to the hope of restored happiness and peace in her home. Grievances complained of outside—remain unhealed sores. The wise wife will share her secret of unhappiness with none but her Master, while she strives in every way that patient love can suggest—to remove the causes of discord or trouble.”

5. She Will Look Well to her Personal Appearance

“No woman can be careless in her dress, slovenly and untidy—and long keep her place on the throne of her husband’s life. She will look well to her inner life. She must have mental attractiveness. She will seek to be clothed in spiritual beauty. Her husband must see in her ever-new loveliness, as the years move on. As the charms of physical beauty may fade in the toils and vicissitudes of life, there must be more and more beauty of soul to shine out to replace the attractions which are lost. It has been said that “the wife should always leave something to be revealed only to her husband, some modest charm, some secret grace, reserved solely for his delight and inspiration, like those flowers which give of their sweetness only to the hand which lovingly gathers them.” She should always care more to please him—than any other person in the world. She should prize more highly a compliment from his lips—than from any other human lips.

6. She is a Woman of Character.

“She can be a good wife only by being a good woman. And she can be a good woman in the true sense only by being a Christian woman. Nowhere but in Christ—can she find the wisdom and strength she needs, to meet the solemn responsibilities of wifehood. Only in Christ can she find that rich beauty of soul, that gemming of the character, which shall make her lovely in her husband’s sight, when the bloom of youth is gone, when the brilliance has faded out of her eyes, and the roses have fled from her cheeks. Only Christ can teach her how to live so as to be blessed, and be a blessing in her married life!
“Human love is very precious—but it is not enough to satisfy a heart. There will be trials, there will be perplexities, there will be crosses and disappointments, there will be solicitudes and sorrows. Then none but Christ will be sufficient! Without him, the way will be dreary. But with his benediction and presence—the flowers which droop today will bloom fresh again tomorrow! And the dreams of early love will build themselves up into a palace of peace and joy for the solace, the comfort and shelter of old age!”

>The Marital Cup -by Elizabeth DeBarros-

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>Today we celebrate the gift of marriage, today we stop and intentionally kiss longer the one our soul loves; today we give thanks for the gift of marriage!


Today is special too, because it’s Monday, the day this space is dedicated to give thanks to the Lord for His never ending mercies, so today, I give thanks for the gift God has given my dear friend, Elizabeth, a gift with words and and a passionate love for The Word. 

Thank you, Elizabeth,  for sharing today with us.

Still life with glassware and porcelain covered bowl, Willem Kalf 1662

Marriage is like handblown glass, delicate in substance but strong in construction. It can hold the vintage of years gone by. A cup blessed and preserved by God.

While love is as strong as death, marriage is fragile if only for the fact that two fallen individuals, a man and a woman brought together as one, commit to an exclusive bond for the rest of their days, come what may. Knowing that a covenant designed by God has His backing brings much-needed assurance.

But no marriage is unlike the first, where sin crept in to take its toll. Adam and Eve endured the worst — one son murdered the other, with God presiding as Witness and Judge. I imagine that as parents, partners and lovers, they fell into each other’s arms that night, searching for consolation from an unbearable wound, already aware that bitter herbs change the taste of things.

What keeps a marriage? Sustains it through life’s trials, cares and woes? Certainly not the froth left over from an elaborate wedding ceremony. As exciting and wonderful as the customary fanfare, wedding attire, rich foods, lavish gifts and honeymoon are, eventually helium dissipates, styles change, dishes break and pictures fade. None last, except perhaps in memories, a grace given when clouds ensue. And when they do, the strength of man proves weak indeed.

And apart from inviting family and friends to witness the ceremony and share in the festivities, what compels a man and a woman to stand before a crowd and declare that they will stay together, “to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part?”

Only the nearness of God.

Our culture trends toward having the greater focus be on the wedding event — the more outlandish the better — ceremony only secondary to the trappings.Whether staged in a desert, on a rollercoaster, suspended from bungee cords or underwater, it’s all but forgotten that when vows are exchanged, God is the unseen Officiate. Even Christians need reminding of this in a day when selfishness runs rampant in the streets, and “freedom of choice” seeks to permeate our thinking to the point of abandoning all reason for the sake of pleasure and the pursuit of happiness. As comforting and wonderful as marriage can be, it’s ultimately a sacrifice and a crucible and less often a pleasure dome.

Without strong Biblical encouragement, we leave ourselves open to temptation by subtly diminishing the gift He sewed into the fabric of society to remind us of the mystery between Christ and the Church:

“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and 
hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.”
This mystery is profound,
and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 
-Ephesians 5:31-32 (ESV)

Ultimately, marriage is for the glory of God. It’s not about happiness as much as it’s about holiness as He works through life’s circumstances to mold and shape us, conforming us into His image. Not only this, but He’s the third strand in the cord, serving as our strength and very present help. He whose eye is upon the hearts of all men isn’t blind. He sees every sacrifice, gesture, trial, hardship, desire, hope and dream. And He collects every tear in His bottle, storing them up in remembrance, keeping watch on the covenant made in His Name.

So lift up your marital cup to the Lord. Reflect through the glass on His faithfulness and the memories you’ve made, even the ones that stretched you in all directions, and ask yourself, “By Whose design?” Then bow lower still. Bless the partner of your youth by recounting your vows and enjoying one another. Understand that God is just as near today as He was when you both stood upon the altar before a future unknown — except for certain grey hair.

And remember that the cup belongs to Him. Ever the expert viticulturist patient to make perfect the bouquet of a fortified wine, let Him refresh it, fill it anew, pour out a blessing. Savor the long finish. He reserves the best for last.

Elizabeth

Details on Painting

©Elizabeth DeBarros. If you wish to use these lines please contact the author at Finding the Motherlode

Another guest post by Elizabeth:

Celebrating the Incarnation of Our Lord

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>15 Marriage Admonitions

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>Our “guest” at Thursday of Borrowed words is Leigh Richmond ( 1772- 1827); He wrote 15 marriage admonitions for his daughters… and us.

“My much-loved daughter,
When your sister Mary left her paternal roof, I gave her a paper of admonitions, which I requested her to read often. I do the same for you, in the form of a friendly string of maxims, to regulate your conduct in your new and very responsible situation.
1. Aim at keeping a devoted heart for God in the least and most common transactions of every hour—as well as in those events which may seem to call the loudest for manifestations of Christian prudence and principle.
2. Pray regularly and frequently, not seldom and occasionally—for grace to live by.
3. Remember the Christian principles and examples of your father’s house, and everywhere endeavor to preserve its character, by consistency in conduct, conversation, and temper. Keep in constant recollection—the wise, prudent, and conscientious example of your dear mother.
4. Form no hasty friendship; and none whatever, but such as may promote seriousness of heart, tongue and life.
5. Beware of cheerfulness degenerating into levity. Let no natural vivacity of temper, no occasionally indulged sallies of humor and jocularity—throw a shadow over the exercise of solid principle. Little foolish things give a color to character, and are more easily imitated, than serious and good sentiments.
6. Guard against hasty judgments of character, and above all against uttering hasty opinions, and making remarks to the disparagement of others. Particularly avoid making the errors, failings, faults, or follies of others—the subject of rash and unguarded remarks. Be known for charity, forbearance, and kindness. Be slow to judge—rather than swift to speak.
7. Wherever you are, in the first place, remember that God’s eye is upon you; and then imagine also that your husband and father are present. It may be a fanciful—but it is a profitable supposition.
8. Keep Christ’s golden rule,”Do unto to others—as you would have them do unto you” in perpetual remembrance. It is the panacea for most of the social evils of life.
9. Be conscientious towards all;friendly with few; confidential with fewer still; strictly intimate with fewest of all.
10. When you think of your father, bear with his infirmities and pardon his faults—but remember his principles and instructions, so far as they have been agreeable to the Word of God.
11. Do not be content with anything short of deep, sincere, diligent, and decided piety.
12. If you and your husband happen to differ in opinion or feeling on any point—remember whom you have promised to love, honor, and obey—and this will settle all things.
13. Of your husband’s warm affections towards you, I entertain no doubt—strive to preserve them by daily elevation of character; and not so much by fondness—as by prudence and dignity. May you both learn to raise a home of marital happiness—by mutual wisdom and love.
14. Observe great simplicity and plainness in dress. You should be a pattern to others in this respect. There is a just complaint made of many females who profess to be pious—that they are far too showy and mirthful in their outward apparel. Remember the apostle Peter’s injunction, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
15. Christ has been made known to you fully and freely; let Christ be your all in all, both now and forever.
Receive my parting advice in love, and be assured, my beloved child, that it comes from the affectionate heart of your dear father.” (1)

Many of these advices are forgotten, many sound “out-dated”, even for some women who profess to be Christians; but let’s be sincere,  Christian women nowadays desperately need to take some of these godly advices.

Do you have a favorite one? 

Which other would you include?

1. Source @Grace Gems