Category Archives: Being a Wife

>The Fruit of Her Hands – Part Three-

Posted on by
12

>

I am so enjoying the conversation with you, my friends. Thank you for reading along and  tell me, isn’t this book, The Fruit of Her Hands by Nancy Wilson great?

Chapter Five. Contentment

“If we would have peace in our souls, we must maintain a war against our favorite sin and never leave off until it is subdued” Thomas Watson

“While sin in others is often blatant and obvious to us, our own sins are sometimes disguised. Because we don’t see them for what they really are, we can trick ourselves into fighting and confessing the wrong sins altogether.
One such sin is morbid introspection…” (p.69)

This is the way this chapter starts; it is a great and important chapter to read because we are so blind and so many times we “fail to see that we are responding to self-accusations, and not to the Holy Spirit”, as the author says.  Have you been there?

I have.

I have been in that situation when you just feel you are the worst mom, wife and daughter, that you don’t cook great recipes, don’t quilt or sew, and you feel so far from the Proverbs 31 woman.  Did you notice those little words: “feel”  We are reminded in this chapter that we need to dismiss “those vague accusations  grounded on nothing more than vague feelings” and  “which are not objective sins”.

O this is so true, so true!

We know that we should not walk by feelings and yet we fall into the trap. Nancy Wilson says it well,

“Remember, it is God’s Word that is the standard, not your feelings -good or bad, late or early. In the light of day it is easier to see your weaknesses, call for grace, confess your sins, ad thank God for His love and forgiveness. Like other sins, the sin of introspection can become a habit”

The chapter goes into a different direction and now the author talks about the big lie of  the world today: live fit and healthy, “for only the healthy and fit have fun”.

When we believe this lie, we become hostages of fear.

“for the Christian, there should be nothing to fear in this…review your theology to deal with these fears. Sound theology is the cure for fear. Consider that God is in complete control of  His entire creation. Do you believe this?” (p.74)

Again, this is why I love Nancy’s books. Her counsel goes right to the heart of the matter, where are you grounded? What do you believe? This is one of the reasons we ought to encourage one another to read big books, theology books, to the study of the Word. We must abide in the Word, in the whole counsel of God not only in some verses here and there taken out of context. O, how I love the Word of God!

The 7 closing words of this chapter are powerful, read them twice and think about them:

“Do not be afraid, but fear God.”

Chapter Six.  Duties of Homemaking

This is also a very powerful and practical chapter, in which Nancy reminds us that our calling has to do with the things that fill our days, such as diaper changing, doing dishes, cooking, kissing foreheads, and listening to our beloved ones.

And because God himself has called us to do this “all the mundane things {we do} are sanctified, holy, purposeful, and honoring to God, and  {we} shall offer them all to Him” (p.75 I tweaked the text and wrote it on 1st p. pl present tense)

She talks about hard work, about being joyful while we pursue our calling. She encourages us to learn how to manage our households (I Timothy 5:14)  but she also addresses the sin of idleness, the sin of “having to know”.

Besides that, they learn to be idlers, going about from house to house, and not only idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying what they should not. So I would have younger widows marry, bear children, manage their households, and give the adversary no occasion for slander.  (I Tim. 5: 13 -14)

From the text I made up these questions that can help me examine myself:

How do I use my time?

Am I being idle behind this screen?

Am I wandering from one blog (house) to another “just because”, just to visit? -and here, I would like to add a little more; next time you browse your favorite sites, blogs, etc, try to think and jot down 5 things you learned during those visits. Can you do that?  Be careful, I have noticed that sometimes I have had to answer to this question in a negative way.  Most of the time we are skim reading; maybe we will  be more blessed if we use that time to read a book, or pray, or read the Word, or memorize more verses, or sit besides our son just to hug him.

Can I afford spending all this time visiting?

“A woman’s God-given duties must necessarily be neglected to carry on such extensive visiting”

This chapter closes with a great encouragement:

“…our homes should be practical extensions of what we believe to be true about God and His world and demonstrate that it is all under His ownership”

What is it in your heart today? What did you learn in these two chapters?

Let us encourage one another to be godly wives and moms.

Related Posts:

The Fruit of Her Hands -Part One-
The Fruit of Her Hands -Part Two-

Ten Reasons for Contentment at Femina  (“Here are ten reasons why we should find contentment, found from the matchless works on the subject by the Puritan ministers Jeremiah Burroughs and Thomas Watson”)

Keeping up family Worship.
A Mom and a Wife in the Making

El Fruto de Sus Manos -Parte Tres- (en español)

**************************************

>The Fruit of Her Hands -Part Two-

Posted on by
14

>

When the lights go off, I open my book to read, and I think of my day and in all the areas I need to grow more into my Lord’s likeness.

Pondering about His holiness, studying Philippians and tasting sweet drops of honey from this book, have me writing a lot on my journal.

How can you be a great wife and mother?

Nancy stated it clearly, we need to be “good Christian women”; and how can you be such a “good Christian woman” if you haven’t met a Holy God in the quietness? “How can I meet Him, the Holy One, and not be crushed”? you might say; it is only through Jesus Christ, through His saving power that we can come confidently before Him and find grace.

And Paul says,

“Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice. Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Phil 4: 4-7 ESV

What a joy! Through Jesus, we can come and meet the Holy One and  pray and pour our heart in prayer and supplication at His feet, only to find peace; a perfect peace that is able to guard our hearts and minds in Christ, while we pursue our calling: being the good woman God wants us to be.

Chapter 3. Respect

“Let the wife see that she respects her husband” Eph. 5:33

Respect, is a verb, we  need to “do respect”. Four words that the author emphasizes in her definition of the word are:

1. honor
2. esteem
3. deference
4. courtesy

In this chapter Nancy teaches that respect to our own husband is a command from God; and she points through out the pages, different practical ways on how we can show respect for our husband.

What about a “respect letter”? Yes, this is different than a “love letter”, it involves more. It says more, it builds more.

Respect involves lots of things that can be done. It is more than a nice feeling towards our husband.

“Do not share your husband’s weaknesses, problems, blunders, sins, poor decisions, or failings with anyone. It is disrespect if you do. He is not perfect, we all know that. But when you share unwisely, it does two things: it causes you to disrespect him more, and it causes the hearers to think less of him, too. Sharing problems is totally unproductive unless you are talking to someone ina position to help you. (i.e., your pastor).”

The author reminds us that if we have sinned by not being respectful we need to repent before the Lord, ask our husband for his forgiveness and then we will be ready to  “take concrete steps to respect and build up our husband”

Nancy goes on to explain to us how 1 Peter 3: 5-6  can be applied in a day to day basis,

“For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands,  as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.”

Four things we must note  as on how to “adorn” ourselves:

1. We are to trust God (v.5)
2. We are to be submissive to our own husbands (v.5)
3. Do good (v.6)
4. Be unafraid (v6)

For the sake of space and time I won’t talk about each one of these (I encourage you again to get the book and read it all, believe me, it is worth doing it!) but one if the things that stand out for me is this: Trust God.

Here is where doctrines found us “in the kitchen”, if we say we believe in God’s Sovereignty, then we must not complain or have a critical spirit against our husband.
 
Nancy says it well,

“Trust in God is a great protection from fear because we see God in complete control of our lives. The more a woman studies the Word and comes to understand God’s character, the easier it becomes to trust in Him. Submission frees a woman from many fears if it is rendered in an atmosphere of faith and trust in God”

Ephesians 5:33b says,

“let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Again, we are reminded that respecting our husband is one of the holy duties we have before the Lord. We are to examine ourselves, these questions are good starting points:  Am I respecting my husband on the way I talk to him and on the way I talk about him? 

“Remember that respect and submission are not what your husband requires of you, but what God requires of you”


Being respectful covers different areas of our lives including our finances. On this, I will share some of Nancy’s words:

“When you are tempted to criticize your husband (and you will be), when you want very much to ‘let him have it’, pray for love–‘Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all sins”(Prov. 10:12). Turn to the Lord for comfort, strength, silence!”

Some times being respectful means being quiet, and this last part of the chapter is addressed to women who are married to an unbeliever or a man who does not lead his family in a godly manner.

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—” 1 Peter 3:1-3

 Quoting the author:

“”Flaunting your spirituality is not being quiet. (“I hope he sees that at least I am reading my Bible, even if he isn’t”) What he needs to see is your sweet and courteous attitude, not how many books you are reading or how many prayer meetings you attend each week. Leave the results to God…You are to be obedient  to God regardless of the results.”

Chapter 4.  Principles and Methods

OK, I now I took a lot of space and time to write about  the previous chapter, so I will use few words to talk about this one.

“A Christian woman must learn to think biblically; she must derive her basic principles of living from God’s Word… if we learn to think like Christians, we can discern between worldly and Christian principles”

Not so hard right? Just abide in the Word!

In this chapter I learned that I should NOT criticize (even in my heart) what methods this friend or that family follow; what matters is the principle behind the method, and not the method per se.


“We ought to rejoice in a common commitment to biblical principles and in a variety of methods God’s people employ”

How true is this!

We tend to judge our fellow brothers and sisters (or children and husband) on how they like to do things and we get mad and are hard on them… we should not. Methods are not God’s principles.

Let His grace abound as we grow in our Christian life.

Get the book at Monergism

The Fruit of Her Hands- Part One – My comments are found here.

Nancy Wilson blogs at Femina

If you know someone who speaks Spanish invite them to join the conversation around this book at  Delicias A Tu Diestra Para Siempre. My friend Faby, is our guest blogger and she is a joy to be around.

>The Fruit of Her Hands -part 1-

Posted on by
9

>

The Fruit of Her Hands, Apples © Pixels and Stories

Today is our first day of getting together to share our thoughts on this encouraging book, The Fruit of Her Hands, by Nancy Wilson. I am glad you are here, grab a cup of coffee and let us encourage one another; “let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works.” Hebrews. 10:24.

This book opens with a short forward by Douglas Wilson, but it is there that I see the key to understanding how are we to fulfill our duties, our God given role in our home; he says,

“When two people are so compatible, it is very easy to coast on the strength of the natural affection. The problem with this is that it becomes easy to neglect the  essential thing in a good marriage, which is reliance on the grace of God”

This is the starting point, reliance on the grace of God.

So, I would suggest, before tackling the rest, to consider if we have been trying to be the woman God has called us to be on our own strength. Maybe you have read several books on how to be a better woman, mom, wife, but it seems that you are not walking forward; well, this is the starting point in our Christian calling, reliance on the grace of God every day, all day.

Chapter One. A Woman’ s Orientation to Marriage

Nancy opens the book with a Bible verse that shows us, like on a mirror, our sinful inclinations, 2 Tim 3:1-6.

“But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty.  For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,  heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good,  treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people. For among them are those who creep into households and capture weak women, burdened with sins and led astray by various passions, ” ESV

Everywhere we see it, it is clearer in some scenarios, but is hidden in others: Love yourself, love money, live for pleasures.

We are easily deceived. We are women, just like Eve.

The author mentions two areas in which the modern woman has been”led away by her own lusts”

1. From her God-given domain. (the home)

2. From her God- ordained responsibilities. (her husband and children)

Instead of pursuing these, women today are pursuing freedom and happiness. The world has offered up these as “rewards” to all those who are willing to forsake their God- given domain and responsibilities.

The second aspect this chapter deals with is “A Home With a View”, what does this mean? First and foremost having a biblical view of our husband.  Mrs. Wilson says,

” A woman must cultivate a very high view of her head both the position God has given him over her, as well as the authority God has given him”

 Yes, we have learned that we should submit to our own husbands, and that we are called to be home-centered, but what about this:

“Women have often been vulnerable to deception, and frequently they are self-deceived. The woman who sacrifices her own home, while teaching othe women to be respectful and submissive wives, has been deceived and is deceiving others…she has torn down her house with her own hands (Prov 14:1). By the time she recognizes the trap she is in, it is often too late”

Nowadays, we don’t have to be outside from our homes to be absent from our homes. Where are you all day? Are you in your home really? What about the time we all spend behind this screen?

Let us be careful on how we manage our time “at home”. Let us be women of our home!

Chapter Two. Walking With God

This is I guess, why I love this book so much. It is a book that goes beyond giving you good tips on how to be a godly woman. It challenges Christian women to STUDY the Word of God.

Studying the Bible, not only reading it and crossing out our “One-Year Bible Reading chart”, is what we must do. We must walk with God in prayer and in the Word. What a challenge! But isn’t this our calling as wretched sinners saved by a Merciful God?

I like how she says this:

“Not all women are natural students. It takes discipline to read the Scriptures.”

And she carries her argument on to say:

“Christian wives tend to leave the ‘fat books’ and theology to their husbands. While this may look “submissive” to some, it is actually disobedience. It is not enough that we know Proverbs 31, Ephesians 5, I Peter 3, and I Corinthians 1 and 14. We have to know more than how to be a good wife. After all, our first calling is to be good Christians, and if we are good Christians, we will be good wives and mothers…”

The second issue Nancy Wilson deals with in this chapter is :The Woman and the Serpent.

Eve was deceived in the garden, and we are daughters of Eve; we can fall in the lies of the devil pretty easily.

The author mentions some of the lies we women fall into:

1. The popular idea that our problems are all our parents’ fault.

2. We are not responsible for own faults.

3. We should search back into our past to resurrect old hurts and wrongs (“to be healed”).

What are the antidotes against all the devil’s lies?

* Asking ourselves: “What does the Bible says about such and such issue?”

-No wonder why is it SO important that we study the Bible diligently.-

* Going to our husband first.

*Not sharing our spiritual problems with all our friends. The world tells us that speaking out is always beneficial, but I agree with the author when she says, “Sometimes talking about it [our problem] just makes things worse”

“In many situations, it is no wonder we don’t know what to do -we aren’t in the Word. How can we know what God requires if we are not reading what He has written (Deut. 8:3)?

“Stay away from  the books {and I -Becky- will add blogs…} that get you look inward instead of away from yourself to Christ. He is all-sufficient for all the problems a married (or single or widowed or divorced) woman might have (Heb. 8:1)….

And finally, pray that your mind will not be led into deception and corruption, but will stay, remain, and dwell in the simplicity that is found in Christ” 

But this is meant to be a conversation, the coffee is ready, my sister brought some cookies and we are here to share… what do you have to say?, What books have helped you grow in your Christian life?, How do you find time to study the Word and set apart a time to pray?, What are those lies that still try to penetrate your heart regarding your God given domain and responsibilities?  If you did not read the book, please, feel free to comment as well… no worries!

Leave a comment or a link to your post (in case you decided to blog about these first two chapters).

Are you just coming in? Maybe you want to catch up with our reading and join the conversation. Learn about our reading schedule here.

You can follow the conversation in Spanish too! Visit us today at Delicias a Tu Diestra Para Siempre.

Related posts:


When Light Meets Daily Life II
Thoughts For Wives
Yes, I Will Open the Box

Marriage and Wine (at the former blog)
One +One = One (at the former blog)


***************************

>A Mom and a Wife in the Making

Posted on by
4

>

It was us promising to love each other forever,

until death due us apart. 

Two sinners entering into a God honoring covenant. 
Two forgiven sinners ready to live a life of sanctification together.
And God blessed us with children,

one by one they came into our lives and we are all now walking in

the Covenant, loving our Maker.
It’s been almost 18 years, and I still wonder at the miracle:
I did become a Wife and a Mom.
I longed for this since my childhood,

and the Lord heard me and answered me.

Today I am still a Mom and Wife in the making,

and I am amazed; 

God calls sinner women like me,

washes us and uses us to teach His Word to little souls,

to nurture lives that will live eternally.
Isn’t God’s Grace incomprehensible?

Because I am still a Mom and a Wife in the making is that I must study  God’s Word,
that is the only way for me to grow in grace.

Do you want to join me?

This Saturday we will start here an eight-week study on Philippians. 
You can find more information here and here.
We will also start a conversation over coffee and cookies
around the book, The Fruit of Her Hands,  by Nancy Wilson. 
You can find our reading schedule here.

A great article I found today at Credenda Agenda written by Douglas Wison, The Wife as a Ruler. Very good one.

(This is a repost  from the archives, ,with some little changes)

************************************************************

What About Coffee, Cookies and a Good Book? -and a little gift-

Posted on by
7

There are some books  I like to read and re-read several times, big books and little books, all kinds of books;  Theology books (my favorite ones) and books about family, homeschooling, homemaking, and being a Christian woman are the ones I most enjoy.

I have been thinking that I want to read again this book, The Fruit of Her Hands. Respect and the Christian Woman, by Nancy Wilson. Every time I read it, I am blessed and  renewed. I love to go through all my notes and jot new ones.

This time, however, I want to invite you to read along and then bring your cup of coffee or tea, some cookies or scones (Petra…) and join the conversation every Tuesday (4 Tuesdays).

This would be our schedule:

Tuesday, October 12, Chapters 1 and 2
Tuesday, October 19, Chapters 3 and 4
Tuesday, October 26, Chapters 5 and 6
Tuesday, November 2, Chapters 7 and 8

If you don’t have the book, you can order it through Canon Press, Amazon, and Monergism. I am pretty sure that if you decide to order it this weekend, you will have plenty of time to read the first two chapters before October 12.

If you don’t have the book, and would like to join me, I will be giving away one book (only USA and Canada); just leave your name and contact information and I will let you know this coming Saturday who the winner is. (I feel so odd doing this, I have never done it before!) The invitation to the giveaway will be closed Friday, October 1st before midnight ET.

Well I must go now, have a most joyous day!

This entry is linked to 5 Minutes for Books.com

Because We Love Friends

Posted on by
1

This is true, we love our friends.

Friends who cry with us, friends who need that we cry with them.

Friends who listen and friends who need to be listened to.

Friends who laugh and others who need our laughter.

Friends who encourage and others who need encouragment.

Friends who support us in prayer, friends who need our prayers.

Friends.

We women are especially willing to engage in deep friendships, we love to talk and encourage others and just be friends; but as I teach my daughters about friendship, I need to go deeper and teach them, really teach them, about this issue which can build them up or tear them down.

I have seen this, I have been at a Starbucks by myself trying to read a book and suddenly the conversation besides me  calls my attention. A group of women, all loud, all “friends”, and their words are only words that destroy their husbands and children. It is almost like a competition to see which one of their husbands is the worst, the meanest, the less preapared, and the least affectionate.

It is true, these women are probably not Christians, but I have also seen this particular way of conversing around a table in which the women around it call themselves Christians. The difference? They do exactly the same, but add the words “Please, help me pray for my husband or my children….”

Mary, a woman who found favor in the eyes of the Lord, learned from the beginning a valuable lesson that we, women who fear the Lord, must learn; the Bible says that  “Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart…” (Luke 2:19)

Who are our friends? What do we talk about around a coffee table? Is it about the weaknesses of our husbands or children? Are we gossiping in the form of  “prayer requests”? What is in our heart? Let us pray to the Lord and ask Him forgiveness if we have done this.

Every time we open up the secrets of our home over a coffee table, we are walking away from wisdom, away from prudence, away from understanding; in the book of Proverbs 2: 9-13, we read:

“For wisdom will come into your heart,
   and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;
  discretion will watch over you,
   understanding will guard you,
   delivering you from the way of evil,
   from men of perverted speech”

Women dress up beautifuly to meet with their friends, yet they often forget what the Bible teaches about a woman who is not discreet:

“Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout
   is a beautiful woman without discretion.”
Proverbs 11: 22

I want to teach my daughters all these and now that they are young, they are already learning that it is not Biblical to talk about their parents’ or brother’s mistakes in the company of others. They are learning that certain things need to be kept inside our home.

If you are really in a desperate situation, don’t go over to a coffee table, go first of all to your husband, and then go to an elderly woman in the Church in whom you know you can trust.

Friends,  godly friends are a gift from God. I have been greatly blessed with many women in my life who love God and love their families so much that they do not come to our coffee table to tell the me all about the sins of their husbands and children. They honor them, they are grateful, they build wisely, and walk in prudence. For this I am thankful.

“Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets,
but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.”
Prov 11:13 ESV

I have also learned that if I want to honor my husband and our relationship, I should come always to him first. He is my Beloved, he is my best friend, he is the one who holds my hand in the night. I should never choose oher friends over his friendship. Whenever I share about a personal struggle with a friend, he knows about it. He is never left out.

My friends have helped me be a better wife, a better mom; they have encouraged me to good works, to grow in my sanctification, and for this I am grateful. 

We insist to our children about the importance of choosing excellent friends, godly friends? Do we hold the same standard for ourselves?

Do we choose wisely?

I pray I will always do.

“Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets;
 therefore do not associate with a simple babbler”
Prov 20:19 ESV

“The righteous chooses his friends carefully
but the way of the wicked leads them astray”
Prov 12:26 ESV

May you find today beautiful opportunities to bless your friends.

The pictures were taken in a trip with my best friends, my husband and my sister with her husband. We had a wonderful time. It was a gift indeed!

A book which helped me grow into the woman I am now is this:

The Fruit of Her Hands

 
sign up here and read along! 
We will start the conversation Tuesday, October 12. 
Don’t miss it!

This post is linked to Raising Homemakers