Category Archives: Being a Wife

>Our Husband, Our Brother in Christ

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>Friday is a good day to visit friends or have friends over… today I am so happy to introduce you to a dear friend of mine who is visiting with us today, Anne. I still remember when I met her at a Veritas Press Teacher’s Training; since then I have admired her; she is a godly woman, who loves her family, Latin, reading books by the dozen and pencils. Anne has been a great encouragement to me this year as we are together in the Partnering to Remember Project memorizing Philippians.

Thank you, Anne…

By today’s standards, my husband and I married at a very young age. He was 22 and I was 21, and we’d finished college only the day before.We knew little about what was ahead, but we received solid, biblical counsel in those early days and ever since. We’ve now been married for 21 years, and I count it all grace from a merciful and good God.He has held our marriage together through many military deployments, and has allowed us to grow up together and raise two children. He has made sure we’ve had solid, biblical teaching and fellowship. I am only a recipient of His grace and certainly no expert.One thing I know for sure is that God put me and my husband together on a path toward heaven, and the way we live here matters for eternity.

As I consider the marriage relationship in light of what God’s Word tells us, I think there is a tendency to compartmentalize and forget that the marriage relationship isn’t the only relationship I have with my husband. Yes, Scripture is clear that when two believers marry each has certain responsibilities and roles:the husband is to love his wife like Christ loves the church (oh, how impossible this seems!), and the wife is to love and respect her husband and submit to him. Apart from the Lord, these are overwhelming and undoable tasks.

But as my husband and I have been recently memorizing Philippians together (memorizing Scripture together with my husband is something I really wish we’d started long ago!), I am reminded that all of the other exhortations in Scripture about relationships among believers apply to husbands and wives as well.Here are just a few of them from Philippians, as Paul wrote to the believers there who were partners with him:

“~Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ… that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving side by side for the faith of the gospel” (Philippians 1:27)

“~Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)

“~Let each of you look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4)

And a few from elsewhere in God’s Word:

“~ And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works” (Hebrews 10:24)

“~I, therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.” (Ephesians 4:1-3)

“~Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him, who is the head, into Christ” (Ephesians 4:15)

“~Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32)

So, I am more than my husband’s wife, and he is more than my husband. We are fellow believers, brother and sister in Christ, partakers together of grace. We are being made ready for heaven as we live our lives together. We are to be partners in every way – physically, mentally, spiritually.We are to be “of the same mind”, “in full accord”, “striving together for the faith of the gospel.”We’re to speak the truth in love to each other, giving counsel and admonishing when necessary, strengthening each other’s weaknesses, and pointing each other to Christ. And we’re to remember that, as Paul Tripp has said,

“Christian marriage is one flawed person living with another flawed person in a fallen world with a faithful God.”

We wives tend to extremes.We nag our husbands when we want something to change or when we are offended, certainly speaking, but not in love. Or in silence we feed bitterness as we stew and brood over an offense whether that offense is real or only imagined.I think that if we more carefully considered our role as our husband’s partner, as a fellow believer and partaker of grace, we’d be more likely to avoid those extremes.Maybe that would help us to remember that our husbands are on the path to heaven, too.

Perhaps we wives would do well to take some time and consider our husbands as brothers in Christ.In light of this relationship, how can I encourage him in his walk? How can I strive together with him? What are some practical ways I can count him as more significant than myself? Am I lacking humility? How can I build him up, strengthening his weaknesses? How can I help make his job as my husband easier? How can I pray for him? In what ways can I show him grace? Is there an offense or sin that I can overlook? Or do I need to, as Paul says, speak the truth in love?

It’s a privilege to share my life with the man God gave me, and to grow old with him, holding his hand as we walk this life as partners in every way. God has truly been good to me. And it is at once both amazing and daunting to consider that our partnership has eternal implications. May we partner together for the faith of the gospel for His glory.

Anne

©Anne Malone; if you wish to use these lines contact Anne at  Europeanne

>The Christian Wife, by J.R. Miller

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>This month we have been talking about marriage; so I think it is important to consider what are some characteristics of the Christian wife that we should not forget; and because it is Thursday of Borrowed Words, we’ll read J.R. Miller’s words on this topic. (I know it’s long, but please, don’t skim read it; take the time to read and carefully consider these words.)

Ball Point Drawing by Andrea Joseph

“It is a high honor for a woman to be chosen from among all womankind, to be the wife of a godly and true man. She is lifted up to be a crowned queen. Her husband’s manly love laid at her feet, exalts her to the throne of his life. Great power is placed in her hands. Sacred destinies are reposed in her keeping. Will she wear her crown beneficently? Will she fill her realm with beauty and with blessing? Or will she fail in her holy trust? Only her married life can be the answer.”

“What is the true ideal of a godly wife? It is not something lifted above the common experiences of life, not an ethereal angel feeding on ambrosia and moving in the realms of imagination… The true wife needs to be no mere poet’s dream, no artist’s picture, no ethereal lady too fine for use—but a woman healthful, strong, practical, industrious, with a hand for life’s common duties, yet crowned with that beauty which a high and noble purpose gives to a soul.”

J.R. Miller goes on to list several characteristics of a godly wife:

1. Faithfulness.

“A true wife, by her character and by her conduct, proves herself worthy of her husband’s trust. He has confidence in her affection; he knows that her heart is unalterably true to him. He has confidence in her management; he confides to her the care of his household. He knows that she is true to all his interests, that she is prudent and wise, not wasteful nor extravagant… Every true wife makes her husband’s interests her own…When burdens press upon him—she tries to lighten them by sympathy, by cheer, by the inspiration of love. She enters with zest and enthusiasm into all his plans. She is never a weight to drag him down; she is strength in his heart to help him ever to do nobler and better things.”

2. Housekeeper.

“Love may build its palace of noble sentiments and tender affections and sweet romances—rising into the very clouds, and in this splendid home two souls may dwell in the enjoyment of the highest possibilities of wedded life; but this palace, too, must stand on the ground, with unpoetic and unsentimental stones for its foundation. That foundation is good housekeeping. In other words, good breakfasts, dinners and suppers, a well-kept house, order, system, promptness, punctuality, good cheer—far more than any young lovers dream—does happiness in married life depend upon such commonplace things as these!

Bad housekeeping will soon drive the last vestige of romance out of any home! The illusion which love weaves about an idolized bride, will soon vanish if she proves lazy or incompetent in her domestic management. The wife who will keep the charm of early love unbroken through the years, and in whose home the dreams of the wedding day will come true—must be a good housekeeper!”

Andrea Joseph’s Illustration with Coloured Pencils

3.Generous and Warm Hearted.

“{I}t is in the dark hours of a man’s life, when burdens press, when sorrows weigh like mountains upon his soul, when adversities have left him crushed and broken, or when he is in the midst of fierce struggles which try the strength of every fiber of his manhood—that all the radiance and glory of a true wife’s strengthful love shine out before his eyes! Only then does he recognize in her—God’s angel of mercy!

In sickness—how thoughtful, how skillful, how gentle a nurse is the true wife! In struggle with temptation or adversity or difficulty—what an inspirer she is! In misfortune or disaster—what lofty heroism does she exhibit and what courage does her bravery kindle in her husband’s heart! Instead of being crushed by the unexpected loss, she only then rises to her full grandeur of soul. Instead of weeping, repining and despairing, and thus adding tenfold to the burden of the misfortune—she cheerfully accepts the changed circumstances and becomes a minister of hope and strength. She turns away from luxury and ease—to the plainer home, the simpler life, the humbler surroundings, without a murmur!”

4. Prudent.

“Are there little frictions or grievances in the wedded life? Has her husband faults which annoy her or cause her pain? Does he fail in this duty or that? Do differences arise which threaten the peace of the home? I
n the feeling of disappointment and pain, smarting under a sense of injury—a wife may be strongly tempted to seek sympathy by telling her trials to some intimate friends. Nothing could be more fatal to her own truest interests, and to the hope of restored happiness and peace in her home. Grievances complained of outside—remain unhealed sores. The wise wife will share her secret of unhappiness with none but her Master, while she strives in every way that patient love can suggest—to remove the causes of discord or trouble.”

5. She Will Look Well to her Personal Appearance

“No woman can be careless in her dress, slovenly and untidy—and long keep her place on the throne of her husband’s life. She will look well to her inner life. She must have mental attractiveness. She will seek to be clothed in spiritual beauty. Her husband must see in her ever-new loveliness, as the years move on. As the charms of physical beauty may fade in the toils and vicissitudes of life, there must be more and more beauty of soul to shine out to replace the attractions which are lost. It has been said that “the wife should always leave something to be revealed only to her husband, some modest charm, some secret grace, reserved solely for his delight and inspiration, like those flowers which give of their sweetness only to the hand which lovingly gathers them.” She should always care more to please him—than any other person in the world. She should prize more highly a compliment from his lips—than from any other human lips.

6. She is a Woman of Character.

“She can be a good wife only by being a good woman. And she can be a good woman in the true sense only by being a Christian woman. Nowhere but in Christ—can she find the wisdom and strength she needs, to meet the solemn responsibilities of wifehood. Only in Christ can she find that rich beauty of soul, that gemming of the character, which shall make her lovely in her husband’s sight, when the bloom of youth is gone, when the brilliance has faded out of her eyes, and the roses have fled from her cheeks. Only Christ can teach her how to live so as to be blessed, and be a blessing in her married life!
“Human love is very precious—but it is not enough to satisfy a heart. There will be trials, there will be perplexities, there will be crosses and disappointments, there will be solicitudes and sorrows. Then none but Christ will be sufficient! Without him, the way will be dreary. But with his benediction and presence—the flowers which droop today will bloom fresh again tomorrow! And the dreams of early love will build themselves up into a palace of peace and joy for the solace, the comfort and shelter of old age!”

>15 Marriage Admonitions

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>Our “guest” at Thursday of Borrowed words is Leigh Richmond ( 1772- 1827); He wrote 15 marriage admonitions for his daughters… and us.

“My much-loved daughter,
When your sister Mary left her paternal roof, I gave her a paper of admonitions, which I requested her to read often. I do the same for you, in the form of a friendly string of maxims, to regulate your conduct in your new and very responsible situation.
1. Aim at keeping a devoted heart for God in the least and most common transactions of every hour—as well as in those events which may seem to call the loudest for manifestations of Christian prudence and principle.
2. Pray regularly and frequently, not seldom and occasionally—for grace to live by.
3. Remember the Christian principles and examples of your father’s house, and everywhere endeavor to preserve its character, by consistency in conduct, conversation, and temper. Keep in constant recollection—the wise, prudent, and conscientious example of your dear mother.
4. Form no hasty friendship; and none whatever, but such as may promote seriousness of heart, tongue and life.
5. Beware of cheerfulness degenerating into levity. Let no natural vivacity of temper, no occasionally indulged sallies of humor and jocularity—throw a shadow over the exercise of solid principle. Little foolish things give a color to character, and are more easily imitated, than serious and good sentiments.
6. Guard against hasty judgments of character, and above all against uttering hasty opinions, and making remarks to the disparagement of others. Particularly avoid making the errors, failings, faults, or follies of others—the subject of rash and unguarded remarks. Be known for charity, forbearance, and kindness. Be slow to judge—rather than swift to speak.
7. Wherever you are, in the first place, remember that God’s eye is upon you; and then imagine also that your husband and father are present. It may be a fanciful—but it is a profitable supposition.
8. Keep Christ’s golden rule,”Do unto to others—as you would have them do unto you” in perpetual remembrance. It is the panacea for most of the social evils of life.
9. Be conscientious towards all;friendly with few; confidential with fewer still; strictly intimate with fewest of all.
10. When you think of your father, bear with his infirmities and pardon his faults—but remember his principles and instructions, so far as they have been agreeable to the Word of God.
11. Do not be content with anything short of deep, sincere, diligent, and decided piety.
12. If you and your husband happen to differ in opinion or feeling on any point—remember whom you have promised to love, honor, and obey—and this will settle all things.
13. Of your husband’s warm affections towards you, I entertain no doubt—strive to preserve them by daily elevation of character; and not so much by fondness—as by prudence and dignity. May you both learn to raise a home of marital happiness—by mutual wisdom and love.
14. Observe great simplicity and plainness in dress. You should be a pattern to others in this respect. There is a just complaint made of many females who profess to be pious—that they are far too showy and mirthful in their outward apparel. Remember the apostle Peter’s injunction, “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.”
15. Christ has been made known to you fully and freely; let Christ be your all in all, both now and forever.
Receive my parting advice in love, and be assured, my beloved child, that it comes from the affectionate heart of your dear father.” (1)

Many of these advices are forgotten, many sound “out-dated”, even for some women who profess to be Christians; but let’s be sincere,  Christian women nowadays desperately need to take some of these godly advices.

Do you have a favorite one? 

Which other would you include?

1. Source @Grace Gems

>Gift Wrap Respect for Your Husband

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Image from Twig and Thistle

“let the wife see that she respects her husband.” Ephesians 5:33

What about giving our husband the gift of respect?  There are different ways in which we could communicate respect for our husband and in doing so we obey God who commands us to do so. Today, however, I want to focus on one specific area in which I have seen so many women lacking a respectful attitude towards their husband: the coffee table.

It seems the natural thing to do, girl friends around the coffee table chatting about the kids, shoes, laundry that needs to be fold, books, nails… and all the shortcomings of their husbands. All these ladies are friends from Church.  Why no one seems to bother?

Etsy Shop

Dear sisters, we must learn that we are called to be respectful with our husband. We must see that we honor him in his presence and in his absence; in front of our children, parents and friends as well as in our room when the door is closed. This is pleasing to God; this is what God wants us to do; we cannot walk from coffee table to coffee table sharing the weaknesses of our husband.

Isn’t this grace? Covering his shortcoming with love? Isn’t this the warmest hug we could give him? Isn’t this love making, too?

Don’t fall in the game, run away from those “friends” whose greatest joy seems to be exposing their husbands in public, even behind the “spiritual” scheme of a “petition of prayer”.

O that we may learn to love our husband passionately with our words, in private and in public;  that we may find it a joy to give him respect and honor every day.

May the words of our mouth be always pleasing to our Father in Heaven; may our words love passionately.

>Celebrating the Mystery of Marriage -Borrowed Words-

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>February is here and also beautiful paper heart garlands and boxes of chocolates wrapped in red festive paper; why not then, take this time to consider what is the Christian marriage. I will be posting several entries on this topic through out  this month (I will  also have some guests posting here too!), and I would love for you to join me, to join the conversation as we consider the great and beautiful mystery of marriage.

All Thursdays of Borrowed Words, during February, we will consider what other saints have said about marriage.

Gary Thomas in his book, Sacred Marriage, says:

“Christianity involves believing certain things, to be sure, but its herald, its hallmark, its  glory is not merely ascribing to certain intellectual truths. The beauty of Christianity is in learning to love, and a few life situations tests so radically as does marriage.
Yes. it is difficult to love your spouse. But if you truly want to love God, look right now at the ring on your left hand, commit yourself to exploring anew what that ring represents, and love passionately, crazily, enduringly the fleshy person who put it there.
It just may be one of the most spiritual things you can do.”

What about writing a letter to your husband telling him what does that ring that he put in your finger means… Yes… “it may be one of the most spiritual things” you could do this day.

“Giving respect is an obligation, not a favor; it is an act of maturity, birthed in a profound understanding of God’s grace”

Why not start TODAY looking for evidences of grace in your husband’s life? Why not falling in love again? Why not start focusing again on what God has done in him? Why not today?

“Contempt is conceived with expectations. Respect is conceived with expressions of gratitude. we can choose which one we will obsess over -expectations, or thanksgivings. That choice will result in a birth- and  the child will be named either contempt, or respect”

If you keep a gratitude journal maybe this month would be a great thing to focus in giving thanks for all that God has done and is doing in your husband; for all that he is; for all that he does for you and your children; for all that he means to you. Let us be obsessed with giving thanks for him!

“Marriage can force us to become stronger people, because if we want to maintain a strong prayer life as married partners, we must learn how to forgive. We must become expert reconcilers. Friction will inevitably develop. Anger will surely heat up the occasion. So we must learn to deal with conflict as mature Christians -or risk blowing off our prayer life in the process (see Matthew 5: 23-24)

Before saying that your prayer life is “missing something”, ask yourself if you have resentment against your husband; maybe your prayer life is weak and limp because of the lack of forgiveness towards your husband.

“Ask yourself this question: Would I rather live a life of ease and comfort and remain immature in Christ or am I willing to be seasoned with suffering if by doing so I am conformed to the image of Christ?…
Don’t run from the struggles of marriage. Embrace them. Grow in them. Draw nearer to God because of them. Through them you will reflect  more of the spirit of Jesus Christ. and thank God that he has placed you in a situation where your spirit can be perfected”

What do you do when struggles come to your marriage? Run away in despair or run to God asking Him to change you, to make you more than Christ? Struggles in marriage as in any other area in the life of the Christian have the purpose to help us grow in our sanctification and mortify the sin still trying to rule in us. If we are aware of this we will definitely deal differently during the hard times.

Being the wife I know God wants me to be and working towards that goal, is also part of what it means to Live in the Sacred, naked before a Holy God,  don’t you think?

Under His sun and by His grace,

>The Fruit of Her Hands -Part Four-

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This is our last week reading together a very good book, The Fruit of Her Hands by Nancy Wilson. I have been blessed by all the comments of each one of you who have been participating in this forum. Thank you for your input; the conversation has been joyful indeed.

Chapter Seven. Lovemaking
What a wonderful chapter this is! I would dare to say that this has been my favorite one. Nancy Wilson takes The Song of Solomon as the best place to start because sex was God’s idea not man’s. In this book of the Bible (4:12; 5:1) the bride is referred to as “a garden enclosed”. It is not a public garden, but a private one; one with boundaries, one “within a protective fence that a marriage covenant provides”. 
As any other garden, the Christian woman needs to tend her own garden; How do we do this? “By being affectionate, approachable, warm, and responsive”

Let your fountain be blessed,
and rejoice in the wife of your youth,
As a loving deer, and a graceful doe,
let her breasts satisfy you at all times; 
and always be enraptured with her love.  (Proverbs 5:18- 19)

The author points that even though this verse is directed to husbands, there is a lot for us, wives, in it. She encourages us to rejoice in the marriage bed; she says that wives should not view sax as a mere duty or obligation, inconvenient and time-consuming, but a time of delight, of joy.
Nancy Wilson goes on to explain what it means to enrapture your husband with your love.

“This means that you must be more than simply responsive. You must be active in the sexual relationship. You certainly must delight him in a passive sense, but there is more required to enrapture him…this implies a great rejoicing on the part of both partners… This is not a teaspoonful once a week. It is a picture of a cup overflowing.”

There are hindrances that we must overcome at times, such as tiredness, fatigue, a big family, little ones, (and I would say teenagers who seem to be more talkative at nights!), not being in the mood, prudishness, and some others. How do we overcome all these? The author answers plainly,

“Put your theology into practice…
Don’t expect sudden, drastic, changes. our sanctification is a gradual process. But you should see progress as you apply His Word”

Again, studying the Word, abiding in it comes into play. We must bring, as I like to say, the doctrines into the kitchen…or in this case into the marriage bed!
This chapter ends with a word of encouragement for those Christian wives who have a non-believer husband, or are married to a man who doesn’t honor the marriage bed. I will just quote the author and encourage you, if this is your case, to read the book, or seek godly advice.
“Your godliness is never dependent on someone else. You stand before God in Christ and are accountable to Him for your behavior. 
Let God tend your garden, and do not let envy for other loved wives or resentment toward your husband ruin yours. and even if your husband does not see it or appreciate it the way he should, if he ever does wake up and open his eyes, he will see a lovely tended garden waiting for him”
Chapter Eight. Leftovers
This is a chapter in which the author deals quickly with some issues she did not want to left out. First of all she encourages the Christian woman not to pay attention to criticism and condemnation from the world against us. I like the way she says it,

“Criticism from the outside should be the result of our godly behavior, not our sinfulness”

Yes, we all know it. The world will certainly criticize us as we pursue our calling, as we seek to live holy lives, but we should always look at what the Scripture teaches and obey it.
Nancy Wilson also addresses the widows, and  all of us who will probably be widowed one day. (I never thought about that!) She encourages us to build a solid relationship with God and His Word, on her words,

“Wives, while your earthly husband is alive, cultivate biblical thinking about this. Good doctrine will be a tremendous help to you in trial. Believing and learning the right things about God are like storing up provisions for a famine. When affliction comes you will have a good store of grace available.”

She also addresses the topic of taking care of our elderly parents with love and honor and the real meaning of a wedding (going beyond flowers, colors and dresses).
Thank you, dear sisters for joining me in this precious endeavor, studying more about our role as wives and and moms. Thank you!

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This is November of Thanksgiving; and today I want to raise my voice with other brothers and sisters to give thanks to God from whom all blessings flow.
871. Today I am grateful for God’s idea of marriage. 
Isn’t it a mystery indeed? One + One = One , how can that be? Lord, I am so thankful that you chose marriage to portray the relationship between Jesus and His bride. I am grateful for this covenant that bounds us together until death comes. I am grateful because in Heaven we will never be widowed, we will have YOU as our all in all, as our Husband and Maker. I am grateful for the marriage bed, for the warmth of two bodies; for hugs and kisses and love overflowing. 
872. I am also grateful for my husband, the lover of my soul. For his hands and heart. For the way he is. For the way he loves us and takes care of us. I am forever grateful for the marriage you have helped us build.