Editing Our Lives

I cannot thank God enough for the summer He has given us; for each one of the wonderful friends that have blessed us with their visit -our home is still full and my heart overflows with gladness!- I am also grateful for the family that opened their home and hearts to some of us for a week. My heart is content, it has pleased the Lord to be gracious to us.

The conversations have been many around the table. We have talked about music, movies, arts. We have read many books and excerpts of books aloud. We have conversed about marriage, and men and women and their biblical roles. We have had long conversations trying to define important words such as masculinity and beauty. We have laughed and cried. We have hugged and sang together. We have shared meals and, coffee and tea. And in all these, I have been stretched and challenged in so many ways.

All these moments plus all the books I have been reading (especially those on writing) have made think of something that I want to consider carefully.

When an author writes a book she has to come, like it or not, to the point in which she has to turn her manuscript, her precious work, to someone to edit it -most of the times, that means to tear it apart.-  If she wants to become a very good writer, she won’t choose the kind of editor that is easy and merciful. She wants the one that tells the truth, even when it hurts.

Our life is made up of many short stories, all within a bigger story. And we are inside the story, many times entangled in the plot. We simply don’t understand complex characters that come into scene; we can’t figure out why Mr. D has the power to deceive many and hurt families. We can’t understand why Mrs. T said such a thing. We don’t even know at times how in the world we got to the place we are now. Other times we forget that our story is part of a bigger one. We are not the main characters. We are here to bring glory to God in all we do and say. We are not ours but His.

And when we are in the middle of the story, when we can not see clearly through all the many words, sentences, through all the lines that are happening around us. When we feel that there is no way out of that climax. When we don’t even know what is our role in the play and have forgotten all our lines and are speechless, it is time for us to bring our manuscript to the editors.

First we must come to the main editor who is God the Father. Laying our lives before Him in prayer, literally bowing down and crying out to him, we must open the pages of our lives there, at His feet. Hiding nothing, not a comma, not a word, not an event. Let us ask Him forgiveness for our sins, and light for our paths. Let us ask Him to give us eyes to see what we don’t necessarily want to see. Ears to hear what we have refused to hear. Hands to act. Hearts to love. Mouths that speak what edifies and always proclaim truth.

Secondly, we need to find another kind of editor: a friend, a pastor, a brother or sister. But let us be careful, our tendency will be to try to find one that thinks just exactly like we do; one that agrees with all we say. But we must beware. Let us remember that a flattering mouth works ruin and that the man who flatters us is really spreading a net for our feet (Prov. 29:5). We need someone who is not part of the same scene to help us see clearly, to give us advice, to ask us the hard questions and say the hard words. And we must be willing to believe that many times, we are messing things up.

God is the God of Grace who can turn the impossible into possible, the meaningless into something beautiful. He can turn our sorrow into gladness. He is the Light and no darkness can prevail against Him. As I read once, He is in the business of making new hearts. And I love to believe that.

Becky

Blogging About Your Kids

From what we live with our children day by day we learn so many things, so many lessons that could not be learned in another different way. However, I have seen that many women like to share too much on their blogs (or Facebook) about these lessons in a very “specific and detailed” way; and I am sure it is neither wise nor God-honoring to be sharing every one of our children’s faults and mistakes, and the way we react to each one of them, just to “bless others with our experience”.

Maybe your son is 10 yo; and he doesn’t even read your blog right now; maybe if you ask him, he will say that he doesn’t really care if you write about *that* specific situation between you and him. BUT, he will grow, and he will read, and the most probable thing is that he will not be happy with what he’ll see on your blog. Be careful.

This doesn’t mean that you are being a hypocrite; it means that you are being prudent and wise. We all agree (I hope!), that it would not be correct to sit on a coffee shop with your friends to talk about the latest “terrible things” your children have done, and how mad you got, and how you managed to control your temper. Why then, we don’t feel uncomfortable when we read these stories? Or when some of us decide to write them?

“When words are many, transgression is not lacking,
but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.
The tongue of the righteous is choice silver;
the heart of the wicked is of little worth.”
Proverbs 10:18-20

You and I are not perfect, our families are not perfect; we all know that,  and even though it is OK to write about the lessons we learn in our daily life; and about the grace we have found in those difficult day-to-day circumstances, we must be very wise and prudent, because we don’t  want to share unnecessary details that others might find “encouraging”, but at the end will harm our children’s heart.

“Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets,
but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.”
Proverbs 11: 13

The easiest way to relate to this is to think… “What if my husband had a blog, and he decided that he would write about those words I said to him last night, and the way he lost his patience with me and how the Lord helped us through?” Yes, I am sure you would not enjoy that. Let us think on what we write about our children. Our children are more important than our readers; and we need to remember that must keep certain, many things under our roof, covered because we love them so much.

Happy blogging!

Becky

>How to Make Online Friends in a Real World

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You write emails and messages, and facebook statuses all year long. You have prayed over long distance friends, and shared your heart with them even though you have never seen into their eyes before. You have met these friends online, and now you love them and truly care for them. How can this be?
We met many of our online friends through an online school (the best, I dare to say) almost five years ago. And every year we go to the famous End of the Year Gathering where we all meet for a week to share laughs, words, hugs, tears. To look into our eyes, and gaze into the beauty of godly fellowship. 
Some of my closest friends are there, and some others, like Elizabeth, one of my best friends, I have met through the blogging world. How could this happen? Haven’t we been told that online friends are not real? That they do not belong to the real world?
We are now in a time where we can’t ignore the online world. It is part of us and we are part of it. My dearest sister and best friend lives in Canada while I live in Mexico, and yet we are in contact almost daily through all the new technologies that allow us to share those little things that make up our days.
Few of the things I have learned along with my children in this new world, new era, where online relationships do happen are these:
1. Know that there is a REAL person behind the screen. When I teach online, when I blog, when I send a facebook message, when I write or read an email; I know there is someone breathing on the other side. A person, a real one, with virtues and flaws. With good days and bad days. With a beautiful home that sometimes gets messy as mine. We are real people,  we are not “a thing” behind a screen.
2. Be YOU at all times. Be sincere, be real. When my dear friend Elizabeth and I sat on the same table to have lunch, for the first time after almost two years of being “online friends”, I was very happy to find “the Elizabeth” I knew I would find. We knew each other; we were not any different than the person that we show online. 
I have taught my children not to post ANYTHING that they would not say in person. When they started to learn how to relate in an online world, I would read their statuses and profiles, to make sure that they were being real. This is a very important thing to do at all times. As Christians, we are to be true to our faith on the family table, the mall, the farm, the school, facebook, etc. We cannot be double-minded. We must be always blameless children of God. 
3. Make it happen. This is the hardest part, but the most rewarding one: Go beyond the screen! Get the phone (or Skype which is cheaper if you have loved friends who live in the UK or Brussels). Listen to their voices, to their laugh, take the time to make it happen! Set a time, just as if you would go to a Starbucks to meet with your friend. It seems simple but it makes a world of a difference.
Now, try to meet them in person! This is what we must long for, to be with our online friends at a table, sharing the bread, and looking into their eyes.
This past week, as more than 400 people gathered in Lancaster, PA to celebrate the End of the Year Gathering, I kept my eyes open to see that true godly relationships can be built online where the Lord reigns among His people and His statutes are honored.  As one of our friend has said, “that week with these people was absolutely worth any pain that the good-byes may have wrought.”
I pray that God will help us live in this era of online relationships, true to our calling, honoring Him in all we do and say, praising Him with every word we write or read. 
Much love to you today, my dear friend!
Becky
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The picture above is of my little girl and her friends. Their lives have been brought together because of online friendships. This is the fourth year in a row that they get together to share laughs and songs!  My daughter cried when she said good-bye to them.

What About Coffee, Cookies and a Good Book? -and a little gift-

There are some books  I like to read and re-read several times, big books and little books, all kinds of books;  Theology books (my favorite ones) and books about family, homeschooling, homemaking, and being a Christian woman are the ones I most enjoy.

I have been thinking that I want to read again this book, The Fruit of Her Hands. Respect and the Christian Woman, by Nancy Wilson. Every time I read it, I am blessed and  renewed. I love to go through all my notes and jot new ones.

This time, however, I want to invite you to read along and then bring your cup of coffee or tea, some cookies or scones (Petra…) and join the conversation every Tuesday (4 Tuesdays).

This would be our schedule:

Tuesday, October 12, Chapters 1 and 2
Tuesday, October 19, Chapters 3 and 4
Tuesday, October 26, Chapters 5 and 6
Tuesday, November 2, Chapters 7 and 8

If you don’t have the book, you can order it through Canon Press, Amazon, and Monergism. I am pretty sure that if you decide to order it this weekend, you will have plenty of time to read the first two chapters before October 12.

If you don’t have the book, and would like to join me, I will be giving away one book (only USA and Canada); just leave your name and contact information and I will let you know this coming Saturday who the winner is. (I feel so odd doing this, I have never done it before!) The invitation to the giveaway will be closed Friday, October 1st before midnight ET.

Well I must go now, have a most joyous day!

This entry is linked to 5 Minutes for Books.com

Because We Love Friends

This is true, we love our friends.

Friends who cry with us, friends who need that we cry with them.

Friends who listen and friends who need to be listened to.

Friends who laugh and others who need our laughter.

Friends who encourage and others who need encouragment.

Friends who support us in prayer, friends who need our prayers.

Friends.

We women are especially willing to engage in deep friendships, we love to talk and encourage others and just be friends; but as I teach my daughters about friendship, I need to go deeper and teach them, really teach them, about this issue which can build them up or tear them down.

I have seen this, I have been at a Starbucks by myself trying to read a book and suddenly the conversation besides me  calls my attention. A group of women, all loud, all “friends”, and their words are only words that destroy their husbands and children. It is almost like a competition to see which one of their husbands is the worst, the meanest, the less preapared, and the least affectionate.

It is true, these women are probably not Christians, but I have also seen this particular way of conversing around a table in which the women around it call themselves Christians. The difference? They do exactly the same, but add the words “Please, help me pray for my husband or my children….”

Mary, a woman who found favor in the eyes of the Lord, learned from the beginning a valuable lesson that we, women who fear the Lord, must learn; the Bible says that  “Mary treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart…” (Luke 2:19)

Who are our friends? What do we talk about around a coffee table? Is it about the weaknesses of our husbands or children? Are we gossiping in the form of  “prayer requests”? What is in our heart? Let us pray to the Lord and ask Him forgiveness if we have done this.

Every time we open up the secrets of our home over a coffee table, we are walking away from wisdom, away from prudence, away from understanding; in the book of Proverbs 2: 9-13, we read:

“For wisdom will come into your heart,
   and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul;
  discretion will watch over you,
   understanding will guard you,
   delivering you from the way of evil,
   from men of perverted speech”

Women dress up beautifuly to meet with their friends, yet they often forget what the Bible teaches about a woman who is not discreet:

“Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout
   is a beautiful woman without discretion.”

Proverbs 11: 22

I want to teach my daughters all these and now that they are young, they are already learning that it is not Biblical to talk about their parents’ or brother’s mistakes in the company of others. They are learning that certain things need to be kept inside our home.

If you are really in a desperate situation, don’t go over to a coffee table, go first of all to your husband, and then go to an elderly woman in the Church in whom you know you can trust.

Friends,  godly friends are a gift from God. I have been greatly blessed with many women in my life who love God and love their families so much that they do not come to our coffee table to tell the me all about the sins of their husbands and children. They honor them, they are grateful, they build wisely, and walk in prudence. For this I am thankful.

“Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets,
but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.”

Prov 11:13 ESV

I have also learned that if I want to honor my husband and our relationship, I should come always to him first. He is my Beloved, he is my best friend, he is the one who holds my hand in the night. I should never choose oher friends over his friendship. Whenever I share about a personal struggle with a friend, he knows about it. He is never left out.

My friends have helped me be a better wife, a better mom; they have encouraged me to good works, to grow in my sanctification, and for this I am grateful. 

We insist to our children about the importance of choosing excellent friends, godly friends? Do we hold the same standard for ourselves?

Do we choose wisely?

I pray I will always do.

“Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets;
therefore do not associate with a simple babbler”
Prov 20:19 ESV

“The righteous chooses his friends carefully
but the way of the wicked leads them astray”
Prov 12:26 ESV

May you find today beautiful opportunities to bless your friends.

The pictures were taken in a trip with my best friends, my husband and my sister with her husband. We had a wonderful time. It was a gift indeed!

A book which helped me grow into the woman I am now is this:

The Fruit of Her Hands

 
sign up here and read along! 
We will start the conversation Tuesday, October 12. 
Don’t miss it!

This post is linked to Raising Homemakers

Do You Know Someone Who Speaks Spanish?

If you have been here before, you already know that English is not my first language; I am sorry for all the grammar mistakes that still jump out here and there more often than I even realize. Thank you for your patience and grace.

Spanish is my first language, and if you know someone who speaks Spanish too, you should invite them to visit the place my sister and I have been creating.

Delicias A Tu Diestra Para Siempre

This is our place, “At Your Right Hand are Pleasures Forevermore(Psalm16:11) a place where we gather to sow and glean, to share recipes and creative ideas, it is a place where we talk about homemaking and homeschooling in Latin America, we also share about our love for our husbands and our family. This is a place where we love to talk about Reformed Theology, our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, Salvation by grace through faith, about the Bible and the Doctrines  that it teaches. We love to share His goodness.

You are more than welcome to join us and fill your basket with words that God willing, will bless you and your family.

Share the goodness, be welcome!

    Delicias A Tu Diestra Para Siempre